When did I fall in love with L.? I vaguely remember the date, but I clearly remember how. We were at a party in 2010. She had danced enough and said goodbye. I said goodbye too. She walked past me a little ahead and turned back. I was still looking at her. She smiled and raised her hand to say goodbye. I mumbled goodbye without a sound. She turned and went away. I think that was THE memory I will never forget. Many years have passed since that memory, and now I am old and grey while L. is lost somewhere in the corner of the ever-expanding universe of my mind. But now and then, the memory comes back: the smile, the slight tilt of the head, her parting lips almost as a courteous bow, moving her brunette hair slightly lower on her broad head. Her sharp nose and her honey-colored eyes were my favorite. She looked at me and knew that ‘this guy is gone, I don’t have to do anything anymore’.
I wish I could turn back time. My memory is fading. The last time I saw her was on April 27, 2015, on Kings Day. We crossed paths on Choorstraat. I was with R., and she was with an elderly woman, probably her mother. She gave me that courteous smile back. We haven’t crossed paths again.